What am I good at? And some jumbled ramblings.

My word for 2016 is Be.

Yes, I know you know that already.

 

I’ve got a few things that I’m doing this year.  52 books in 52 weeks, for example – I’m already ‘ahead of schedule’ on that one (aka I’m on my 2nd book and a full week hasn’t passed yet.  😀 ).  Focusing on a different spiritual discipline in The Celebration of Discipline (which I know, I’ve recommended on here several times) each month.  Not making an idol out of them, but just taking each month to sort of focus on one.

This is where my frustration is beginning to show.

Because I’m here, and I’m a few days into January, and my word for the year is Be and the spiritual discipline I chose for this month is meditation and I’m not being particularly meditative or still.

Yes, I made a pinterest board.  I always do!!  It’s pretty random.  I don’t know why I decided to pick colors.  I think I just like colors.  I’m the type of person who can easily relate a color to a song to a mood to a feeling to a word to… yeah.

I’m being frustrated because I’m letting things get to me that shouldn’t, and I know it.  But you know how sometimes you’re just frustrated and annoyed and angry anyway?  Even though there may be no good reason for it.

I went out on a limb and said something about SADD/depression and was offered chocolate.  I wanted to throw the chocolate at them.  Because while I’m not saying I’m depressed or have SADD, really?  These are real mental disorders, you can’t throw chocolate at them.  To do so is incredibly demeaning and insulting to all the people who really do deal with these things, day in and day out, for their lives.

People are ‘busy’ and I’m not and it makes me wonder if there are things I’m forgetting or if I just have a higher tolerance for busyness.  I am the extrovert, I am the fast paced person, I am usually the first in a group to suggest an outing or a get together.  I know that the needs and schedules of others are very different from my own.  But then sometimes no answer begins to feel like being ignored, and it begins to wear on the mind and feel like my time is not as valuable as others’.  Doing things that I think are fun become less so as I begin to wonder if people are just expecting it of me now.

So I guess I wanted to be real and I’m being real.  And not feeling very still or content or zen (don’t get religious on me – you know what I mean).

But that’s only one aspect of life.  I figure, if nothing else, I wanted to be okay with being me, including emotions, so… there’s that.  I guess?  😀  lol!!

 

Other things about this month, that are brighteners in my days:

I’m planning on picking up a few random ’30 day challenges’ on Pinterest – the beginning of January I decided on 30 days of lists (drawn, though my drawing skills aren’t great, and sometimes I draw them and others I just make traditional lists).

So far it’s been really fun.  There have been some things I had to put some thought into – for example, ‘Things I’m good at’.

For me, it’s always really easy to jump to the quickest conclusion here.  I know what I’m good at.  So yes, music is somewhere in the middle of the page.

But I wanted to put a little more thought into it, to dig a little deeper.  Are there other things I’m good at?  Like what?

Is it okay to say I’m good at things?

Sometimes I say that I’m good at something and it prompts a wary look.  I think the problem is honesty here – if I’m going to be honest, I can say that yes, I am good at planning things.  I’m good at budgeting for school years.  I’m good at reading music and remembering it.

But the one that shocked me as I thought of it was this one:

I’m good at teaching my kids.

It seems almost wrong to say it.  Because I say, over and over, that I’m not a teacher.  That I don’t have that something that makes me a teacher by trade, that makes me the person people turn to when they want to talk education.  Sometimes, I’ll admit, it has bummed me out a little bit that no one ever talks to me IRL about homeschooling.  Then I remind myself that I’m not the teacher.  I’m the planner.  The extracurricular activity coordinator.

But this time around, I was surprised when it occurred to me that I’m doing this teaching my kids thing well.  That’s not to say I know everything.  That’s not to say that I’m perfect or have everything figured out.

Do you know what it says?

It says that I’m actually, for the first time since the first year I homeschooled, enjoying the time we’re spending together every day.  I’m enjoying knowing my kids.  I’m enjoying that even if a concept is difficult, I’m there to help figure it out.  And again tomorrow.  And the next day.  And next week – as long as it takes.

I’m appreciating the fact that I’m here, that I made the choice to invest in their lives and spend time with them this way.

I’m appreciating the fact that I can read when things really are too much and I can adjust accordingly.

I’m appreciating that we sit and laugh over things, that we play hangman on the chalkboard at least once a week, that even though Astro hates writing we’re finding ways to do it that ‘aren’t too bad’. 😉

I’m appreciating that Pink gives me a high five when she gets all of her math problems right on the first try and that Link has finally decided to try to exercise his writing chops in ways that were, in the past, uncomfortable for him.

So it was with pleasant surprise that I wrote, that day, that I’m good at ‘teaching my kids’.

 

Huh.  And after typing all that out, it brings back to light the important stuff, you know?

So I’m curious – what are you good at?

 

 

 

 

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